musing mind

The ramblings of an old man continued unabated within his mind. He listened intently as though these were the wisest words he’d heard. The old mans voice in his head abruptly stopped after exclaiming, “ none of this is real but all of this is true!”.  How could that be?  he thought and walked no place in particular.

The conversation continued when a new voice answered his thought. It was his own voice reflected back at him. It said, “You read a quote somewhere I can’t recall where and it states; there is no one true perfect vision.”  And so with that in mind the old man was full of wisdom but was wiser still in recognising his truth was not the only truth but was the truth in context to his vision.

Still he walked no place in particular. Strangely he never posed the obvious question which was of course why he was hearing the voice of an old man in his head.  Early in life he had recognised within himself an ongoing conversation in which the voices changed frequently as did the view points.  As example the following; for an unfortunate period of time a harsh narrow viewed cynic held the floor stubbornly until finally the man ousted the harsh voice by starving it of an audience.  The cynic went down fighting, employing guerrilla tactics but in the end was overcome in the realisation that these transient entrants in the man’s thoughts cannot exist as a singularity. The man took a lesson from it and also learnt to respect the power it takes to exist as a true singularity with no need of exterior forces to confirm or continue your existence.  

The old man entered the conversation at a time when the man was to all and sundry a wasted case. Broke, unemployed and devoid of all motivation to participate in what he saw as the incurable follies of humankind.  Positioned thus he quietly sank to the bottom. Here the man found time and space to let his conversations play out and to research and correlate his findings in the wider world. It is an unpopular occupation.

 For reasons that he had not fathomed yet, the man was deeply curious about life and wished to use his short time taking it in and meditating on its unfathomable nature.  He had reason to believe the old man had come from a country in his mind where all his previous esoteric researches were stored awaiting assimilation.  

The countries of the mind are strange and exotic places but none stranger nor more exotic than the esoteric lands. The man found it to be a contradictory place, the man would say here that all is contradiction but for explanatory purposes the country in his mind which was most contradictory in nature was that land where esoteric information was stored and now apparently emanated in the guise of the old man.  

The man had always found esoteric pursuits to have more than a grain of truth but also more than a grain of service of self cloaked in the intention to serve others.  It was during his own pursuits that this knowledge reached him leaving him confused as to his own intentions. He began to question the relevance of service to others as a higher state of being. He concluded ultimately that the concept of only 2 spiritual paths that were in contradiction of each other yet fundamentally the same was just simply more “mist in the veil”.  Regardless of this there was no denying that the country of the esoteric contained many worthy voices.

When the old man came to the man it was dark. It was not dark to the eye as if the sun had left and stems quiver for atleast the moon. It was dark within the man’s conversation. The man was experiencing a fleeting moment of darkness. Sometimes he revelled in these and sometimes he was anxious for the light of atleast the metaphoric moon.

It was the time also of the archons.  Awaiting deep in the roots of religion lie the archons. The man had absorbed much information but not enough at that time to discount their existence. The archons had existed since the beginning of time and had from that moment lived alongside us as parasites.  The archons feed on the stuff of human emotion and they like it raw. The story is that they had shaped man and his world to best serve their needs and continue to do so. Archons in their various forms exist in myth and legend from every culture. The man was purging himself of the archon only to discover the battle was endless unless he could drag the whole world with him in freeing it of the ultimate parasite or become a singularity.

To show the man was not without ambition it could be said that he had long contemplated changing the entire world to suit his end. That notion being what it is and the frustrations it conjures was, the man decided, an excellent source of nourishment to his new enemies. So it went that he turned to the notion of becoming a singularity and yet somehow functioning within a hive.

“This cannot be done.” was the first words formed in the tone of the old man. In the old man’s tone was imbedded a history that formed him and gave credence to his words. The old man had lived as an outsider for a lifetime and had travelled the world seeking wisdom and an end to his own burning need to see behind the veil. The old man had glimpsed beyond and found it very lonely. He brought back pearls to his people but he had grown beyond his people in seeking pearls thus was now looked upon with suspicion and the pearls were not pearls unless the bearer saw them in context. The same dilemma that haunted the man haunted the old man. How to live free of archon influence whilst still living as part of a community in thrall to the parasites?

The old man continued; “As a singularity the intention of freeing others by helping them become singularities does not exist. A singularity has no function that requires it to form the ideas of others like itself. It is a singularity.  The only intention it may have which requires others would be to find in the thoughts of others an external image of itself and thus know itself more fully.”

The man was shocked and overcome by cascades of information reaching an ultimate point of questioning. Was mind created by some ultimate mind in order to better know itself through the collective reflections of an infinite number of lesser minds?

“None of this is real but all of this is true.” The old man had said at that point and the man continued walking no place in particular metaphorically speaking.

As the man spoke in his mind to the various participants the wind brushed his face. Deliberately he had caused his physical self to be within the fresh air of the mountains. The man had a notion that these conversations were best had at elevation and so had set things in motion for this to be now occurring with exquisite yet haphazard timing to be at this time and place where this wind brushed his whisker weathered face at this point in the conversation.

The man left the conversation to run its course and followed the wind and its promises. With arms spread wide to the heavens poised to receive, the man seated his mind in the country of his mind that just is and is beautiful. All that can be said of this often neglected country is that it just is and it is beautiful. The country of the mind, that just is and is beautiful is explainable only by what it is not and by comparing all that it is not against it. If one was to paint the country that just is and is beautiful one could only do so by placing brush strokes just so as to define the space where it is not.

“Nothing is the gaps between all things. Without nothing all things converge to become one thing. Therefore, nothing is more important than it seems!” was the comment that drew the man back from the country that just is and is beautiful. Upon his return to the conversation he noted the new tone and themes introduced by a previous participant, one he had not heard for a long time.

In his earlier life the man had been in deep conversation with a warrior monk who had entered the conversation in the man’s mind at a time when the man was first feeling the inadequateness’ of the world. The man then decided to take the conversation on a journey not only further into his personal conversation and spirit but into his physical world. The man took only a back pack with some food and little money but sturdy shoes. He hitch hiked in and out of others lives and personal conversations and he absorbed the lessons of hard living and the blessing of embracing the natural planet and being embraced in return.

The warrior monk was close to nature and had a reverence for it. Embedded within the aspect of the warrior monk also was a personal history which dealt with pain and guilt. As a warrior monk should be he was passionate to the point of violence and existed in order to channel that violence to righteous causes.  What exactly constitutes a righteous cause was his eventual undoing within the conversation and since that time the man had not heard from this aspect, the warrior monk.

On first impression the man felt that the warrior monk had broadened his philosophy and in doing so had found forgiveness for himself. The man noted his own feeling of failure in the attempt to sustain constant self love. “I would point out to you that forgiveness is a trap on the path to loving oneself”. This pearl from the warrior monk to the man did indeed have a deceptive lustre. Might it be that forgiveness is an easy substitute for love as the pardon for past indiscretions lies with oneself. If one was to truly love oneself then would not forgiveness flow within love as a part of love and not a separate act? The man knew he judged himself too harshly and as a consequence the wider world.

“You need to accept beer and meaningless sex into your life!” This from the worker. A curse and a blessing is the worker. He came when the external world exerted pressure on the flow of the internal conversation. The worker was a blade of logic and an interface for the external. The workers domain was obviously within the machination of employment and held sway through periods of employment for financial return. It is a rather extreme view though unfortunately intrinsic to the makeup of the man that he saw the notion of working towards the dreams of others for financial gain as prostitution and as a rule abhorred it. The worker though had the fortitude to struggle on and don’t ask questions. He was jolly as a rule. The worker joined co-workers in tea room Machiavellian conspiracies that went nowhere and participated in ritual complaint of exploitation. He had his uses but the man could not abide the worker long.

The return of the worker to the conversation also served as a reminder that the physical would need tending to soon. Thus turning his attention to it the man felt he was hungry and must acquire food and return to his home before it is dark and cold.

Fleetingly the man recalled from the esoteric country the beliefs of breatharians who sought to live with no more sustenance than the air they breathe.  The conversation turned to the desire to be free from the constraints of the body and yet to live within the world. A world which inspires both wonder and wander. “Satisfying the needs and desires of the flesh is crucial to a fuller experience of life and so the conversation reaches a full cycle”. The old man points out but the man is already thinking that the driver behind experiencing this world fully is desire and it is perfectly designed when considering the hypothesis that we exist so that a singularity may know itself through our experience of its creation.

“There is no such thing as one true perfect vision!” therefore, thinks the man in response to this, we are free as entities to experience all hypothesis through the function of belief.  It could be that desire will drive us out into the universe and in time perhaps other universes and perhaps in an even greater time we will create universes and be as gods seeking to create in order to better know ourselves through our creations.

The man says in response to the old man; “the conversation may well reach a full cycle but the conversation must never reach a conclusion lest we perish in the epiphany of a god. “ 

God was not a word the man was comfortable with. Like most confused western atheists, when the man spoke of god he did not want to convey the concept of god as it is known in the traditional sense and yet he did not have a credible substitute that did not already have connotations he wished to remain free of. Harder still is to hypothesise the thoughts and actions of a god. The man believed if god stepped in front of him he would not recognise his creator. The feeling behind this was that a god is unknowable to a mere mortal and that a god cannot remain a god once revealed.

      

to be cont...